


Nothing but Me

by Taste_of_Suburbia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst Dean Winchester, Exhaustion, Fainting, Human Gabriel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Leg Injury, M/M, Malnourishment, Protective Gabriel, Romance, filter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-15 08:51:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_of_Suburbia/pseuds/Taste_of_Suburbia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is 100% sure he's all alone in this world, yet all it will take is an archangel to show him that he's an idiot for thinking that for even a second.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing but Me

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from Filter's 'God Damn Me'. I just thought this song fit Dean too perfectly.  
> This is a different take to Season 6. Another little thing I wrote along with 'Everything Changes', and I'm writing a few more. Clearly, I'm waaaay too addicted to hurt!Dean, but I guess it's because I love it when Gabe gets all concerned and loving and… Anyway, enjoy.  
> Mature (I guess for some language)

His leg has been killing him recently. 

It throbs and burns and cramps up when he’s trying to catch some fucking shuteye that he never manages to get. He takes to dry swallowing eight to ten pills a day and even if they do manage to stop the pain (half the time they don’t), the ache is always there, ready to pounce on his frayed nerves and really make him hate himself for being such a goddamn reckless idiot. 

But then again, that’s what you get for not keeping your head in the game and letting a wendigo fuck up your leg enough so that some days you can’t even walk and the rest of the time you’re digging yourself a hole out of empty whiskey bottles and filthy motel room sheets. 

If Sam were here, everything would be better. Then again, if Sam hadn’t picked to leave at the absolute worst fucking time, this wouldn’t have happened in the first place.   
He groans, tears pouring down his fevered cheeks as he tries not to clutch his leg, knowing it’ll hurt more, that he’ll just make it worse and he should merely ignore it, like he tries to and fails to all the time. Sleep isn’t an option to escape it, not even the strongest whiskey in the world will make him forget about it, or Sam, or Cas who abandoned him too, or his fucked up little life that only gets worse and never even gets a tiny bit better. 

Dean freaking Winchester. Dying and he doesn’t care one bit. Would rather have it that way if asked because after years of not being alone, he doesn’t want to be alone. Can’t be alone because it’s making him insane. 

So all he does is take another swig out of the nearest bottle and pray for a day where maybe he’ll wake up and this will all be a dream. Sam will be hovering over him with those big puppy dog eyes of his and he’ll be smiling like an idiot and wondering how he came up with this stupidly freakish dream in the first place. 

He manages to drift off for a while before he has to get up again and force himself to take more pills, lying to himself that they’ll help when day by day he’s becoming more immune to them yet at the same time more dependent on them. His other leg burns with all his weight added onto it, which isn’t much since he hasn’t eaten decently in weeks, but it’s still enough to make him grimace and screw off the cap to another bottle. 

The door before him doesn’t even open, the shades of the windows are still drawn (they always are because the sunlight is starting to hurt his eyes), and the windows must still be locked, which makes it all too surprising but then again not so much when his dizzy eyes focus on the figure that now stands before him. 

Gabriel… miraculously there with his arms crossed as if he were meant to be there and it’s no surprise that he’s not dead after all and currently taunting his ass. 

The shock hits him square in the face, surprise and relief all fighting for a better purchase within his soul and never backing down for a second. Gabriel’s face is one he hasn’t seen in so long, though one he’s always wanted to see again. He never got the chance to tell him how he felt, to thank him for what he did for him and Sammy. 

Now his brother’s dead and nothing seems to matter anymore, not even a ‘supposed to be dead’ archangel who decided spur of the moment to drop in and say hi. Dean wonders for a second if he died after all or if it was just another fucked up beyond belief trick. 

“Gabriel?”

The grin on his face is so real and all Dean can think about doing is reaching out to touch it. To make sure that the archangel is actually here. He’d look like a fool for doing it though, so he holds back. 

“Nice to see you too, Deano.”

Dean takes a small step back. 

“What's the matter, afraid I'm gonna bite ya?”

The human still hovers against the farthest wall, staring over at Gabriel with now more relief in his eyes than shock, such relief that they brim over a little with tears. He blinks them back fiercely and swallows. 

“I don't like those dark circles under your eyes.”

Dean ignores him, thinking about the subject of sleeping is only making him more tired. He shifts on his leg, his bad one because he forgets and he grimaces. Gabriel looks down at it, eyes wide and curious and Dean looks away before he can see anything else, ashamed and mad at himself that he couldn’t hide his injury like he had wanted to. Then again, Gabriel would have found out sooner rather than later. 

As soon as the archangel starts honing in, that’s when his grin falters, slips away somewhere deep inside of him and is replaced by a concern that the human has never seen before, never expected to see before and yet here it is, jabbing him so he can’t look away and he becomes even more mesmerized by the impossible sight before him. 

“How's your leg?”

Dean breaks out of his trance to look down at his leg, it’s swollen and puffy and still burns fiercely since he shifted it. His eyes dart over to the bottle of pills next but he’s already taken enough today, too bad there’s no sign that he’s even taken one. When he looks back up at Gabriel he notices that he’s been watching him carefully. A little too carefully. 

“It's nothing.”

Of course it’s nothing. Nothing for someone like Gabriel to worry about anyway. Just that it hurts every freaking second and Gabriel could probably take the pain away if he asked but he can’t ask because of his stupid fucking pride. He wishes Gabriel would back down but he doesn’t, his eyes are still hard yet sympathetic. Seeing this makes Dean almost glad that he’s concerned about him at all. He must have better ways to spend his time. 

“Definitely looks like something to me.”

Gabriel wants to take a step closer but doesn't, he'll wait for Dean to make the next move. He doesn't want to frighten him anymore than he already has. 

“Gabriel?”

Dean's words are filled with such hope, such desperation. Tears will clearly be shed soon, tears that Gabriel will hate yet at the same time take as a pitiable sign for him to move closer, comfort even though it’s not what he’s known for. Not what he’s known for at all.

The human is even more far gone than he could have possibly realized. He should have expected this, knowing that Sam was dead and gone and Castiel just gone, but nothing could have prepared him for this sight, Dean’s eyes so helpless in such a pale face, his form skinny and vulnerable and on the verge of total breakdown. Not sleeping, drinking way too much than he can handle, not eating properly and holding back enough tears that his eyes have no choice but to pitifully leak. 

It’s a sight that makes the archangel want to burst into tears. He hopes he’s not too late to at least save a part of him. Luckily, his soul still seems to be intact. Gabriel isn’t so lucky, he’s fighting hard just to not let emotion show through and to keep his cool when all he wants to do is explode and take the human into his arms.

Dean takes a step forward but Gabriel already knows it’s the wrong move. His legs start to give out from under him and fortunately Gabriel sees it quickly enough to take action. 

“Dean!”

He rushes forward without a moment’s thought and catches the now unconscious human, automatically lifting him up gently in his arms and then carrying him away. Back to bed. Back to healing. 

 

Hours later Dean wakes, shivering and freezing cold on a bed, flat on his back and he tries not to think about it but his leg still burns with every intake of breath. If that’s even possible. It feels like he’s lost so much sleep, which is why he wonders how long he was actually out and how the hell he got in this bed in the first place. 

“How do you feel?”

He lifts his eyes up to look at Gabriel, definitely real now if he wasn’t enough the last time. Dean can feel his warm breath on his cheek and it grounds him more than he would ever admit. But then he starts to think about the real reason why Gabriel’s here, probably needs his help on something and then will ditch him like Cas did when he least expects it. Disappointment sweeps across his face and Gabriel’s frown at it is not difficult to hone in on. 

“What's the matter, Deano? Am I that sore of a sight to see?”

Dean doesn't answer, merely shivers harder as the cold hits him again and leaves him breathless. Gabriel doesn’t do something like Dean almost thought he would, then again, he’s known something’s up all along. Gabriel throws a blanket over him faster than he can speak. A nice warm blanket that Dean can sink into blissfully though doesn’t because it’s not who he is. 

His suspicion with Gabriel around is rising, but his need for him is rising also and it’s becoming increasingly harder for him to hide it. He’s aware that Gabriel must be grinning in satisfaction inside, but on the outside he merely bends down next to Dean’s head. 

“How long was I out?” His throat is rough, parched and it hurts almost as much as his leg does. 

Gabriel shrugs, “Few hours. Funny though, seems like the dark circles are even darker.”

Dean groans and tries to move around a little, but he gives up when the pain spikes in his leg again. He doesn’t know what sort of things the archangel has planned for him, and he certainly doesn’t want him hovering this close right now. 

“Relax, Dean.”

Yeah, as if he could relax in a situation like this. 

“Is it really you?” He dares to breathe out because everything is too fucking much right now. He needs to, has to think about something else other than pain and cold and bone deep misery that is killing him slowly, piece by aching piece. 

“Yes, Dean.” His eyes focus on Dean more closely and for once, the human allows himself to focus and drift a little. “It's really me.”

Dean nods a little, more to convince himself that it’s Gabriel and not a hallucination than to show the archangel that he believes, and shivers harder, his body shaking the bed and nearly causing the blanket to topple off him. 

Gabriel adjusts it and pulls another one over him, gentler this time. By the way Gabriel is staring at him, he must have a pretty high fever and he must feel at a loss because he can’t do anything but sit and watch and try to help when he doesn’t know the slightest bit about what’s going on. 

His eyes can’t help but stare at all that Gabriel is. His suspicions have reached their peak now, after rising higher and higher since his unexpected and startling return. “You’re not an archangel anymore, are you?”

Gabriel stares at Dean curiously, not able to help the small smile that forms upon his lips, “How’d you figure it out?”

“You just," Dean pauses for a second and just breathes, “seem human.”

Gabriel only nods, he doesn’t really need to know. There are far more pressing matters at hand. 

“I waited for you.”

Shit, now’s he admitted the one thing that he never for the life of him wanted to admit. Stripped the last ounce of his pride and he knows that he will pay for it, letting Gabriel see him vulnerable like this. He’s practically giving himself up to Gabriel on a tainted silver platter, giving him permission to do whatever he will, whatever he sees fit. Trick him, tease him, taunt him, take advantage of him, the possibilities are endless…

Instead, Gabriel moves closer and smiles. It isn’t a grin because it’s not a happy smile, it’s a sad little smile and Dean wonders how the hell he could have ever brought that out of him. 

“I know you did. It's hard to ignore.”

So he did hear his calls, the ones that he would throw out with purpose and the ones he would scream out in empty parking lots when he was drunk off his ass and feeling sorry for himself and not really sure what the fuck he was even saying. He remembers them all, every single one of them and now Gabriel must know, must have always known.   
How he feels. A secret life that he’s always wanted for himself. To share it with someone special. 

Someone beautiful. 

Gabriel looks up to see Dean crying and turning away from him. He fights back the urge to stroke his forehead. He hates seeing Dean like this, shut himself away when the slightest bit of weakness shows and hope the other person won’t notice, will just go away even though deep down inside he doesn’t really want that at all. Would rather not be alone. 

“I knew you wouldn't come, so after a while I stopped calling you.” His voice is thick with tears, painful to the archangel’s ears, “But I never lost hope.”

He scoots closer, close enough so that he’s practically on the bed, so close to the thing that matters most to him now. “I'm here, Dean.”

Gabriel says it to mean two things, that's he's really here, really alive, and that he's here for Dean. To take care of him. 

Dean turns back to him with watery, pain filled eyes, “You gonna stay?”

“Yeah, Dean, I'm gonna stay.”

Dean licks his lips and shivers fiercely again. Gabriel places a comforting hand on his shoulder, rubs the area over and over with his thumb in an attempt to calm Dean down a little. More than anything he just wants the contact, mere touch that he’s craved for months. 

“Why?”

Dean is beautiful. _So beautiful._ Even in this moment. _Especially in this moment._

“Cause I missed you. And you're all alone. I can't leave you alone now can I, Deano?”

Dean shakes his head a little and Gabriel can see a smile start to form, one that he tries to hide but fails miserably at which only makes Gabriel love him more. He smiles just that little bit wider despite the fact that his concern for Dean's well-being at the moment is overwhelming. He's more than satisfied when he slips into blissful unconsciousness.

Even more satisfied when Dean wakes up in the morning and invites him to stay. He doesn’t even try to deny the fact that he wants to, only kisses Dean on the cheek and the human accepts it. Even though he’s not an archangel anymore, when he turns his back for the slightest moment he can still see Dean’s smile.

**FIN**


End file.
